I can give compliments freely and have no problem being enthusiastic or sharing my admiration for people BUT I cannot criticise others OR take personal criticism – I have no problem talking to a third person about someone who upsets me but it´s very difficult for me to tell that person directly for fear of it coming back at me and then having to accept some criticism myself. This makes me ashamed of myself again and again and I am often fearful of putting myself and my ideas out there. My biggest fear is being laughed at. It makes my tears well up just thinking about it.
I´m sure there were situations in my childhood and later years that have played a role but only because it´s a weakness of mine that others have picked up on. Their critical, unaccepting and laughing voices are my gremlins and although I can be creative and happy regardless, they have the power to hold me back.
I have noticed my fear of success. I see the world in two parts. The artists, social thinkers and alternative lifestylers on one side and the greedy, money making business mogules on the other. (Even while I´m writing this one of my gremlins is saying you´re all going to thinking I´m crazy). I want to be in the first half and am afraid of getting too close to the second half. Does this make sense to anyone? So although I do want to have abundance and financial security in my life, I fear getting caught up in working life and becoming part of a system I don´t like. I´m sure that this outlook also blocks my creative ideas and endeavours too.
I feel like the path has been easy these last few weeks and now I´m standing in front of a steep hill. HELP!
12 comments:
Yes Yes Yes I know what you mean! Iam like that, all the way! The fear of failing often stopped me to act. My new years resolution was to act regardles of fear and suddenly my bussiness takes of and I even am forming new friendships. I signed up for an online course that stimulates me to keep my resolutions and one of the quotes i got send in on e of the mails was: Courage grows through daring, fear grows through doubt (Sorry my english is fine but translating is adifferent cup of tea!) I might post myself or e-mail you a bit more of my similar journey!
You are not craze you are lovely, loving, wise, funny, original, authentic and highly creative! And you were one of the forces that set me on the path of letting go of fear!
No way are you CRAZY!! You are wonderful and wise...loving and thoughtful.
I have fear of failure, that is why I am where I am today...STUCK!! I am also like you, I have plenty to give, but wonder if I am making a fool out of myself..
Just look at the beautiful things you have done, look at your creativity, look around your gorgeous home...
I still have the Kimono bag I won in the giveaway and you have come a long way since then..:-) :-)
Everything you have said makes absolute sense to me.
And you are not alone. Many cannot find their voice because of fear of reprisal.
Yesterday I had to talk to a colleague who was making a lot of waves in the department over an initiative of his. I tried to explain to him why it was not working. He got angry, then upset. I gently tried to remind him that he had his heart in the right place, but the execution wasn't corresponding.
It was a difficult discussion, but in the end we came to a solution, and he felt better. He, in fact, thanked me for it, and was disturbed that others could not speak to him face-to-face.
It might be difficult, my friend, but your voice, your concerns, your point of view is valuable. Never fear that. :)
("The artists, social thinkers and alternative lifestylers on one side and the greedy, money making business mogules on the other")
Bang on!! I so agree with you!
Great post!
Oh Claudia - I could have written this post. Part of my fear is that I'm not worthy of the success when/if it comes. By that statement I am my own worst enemy! I sabotage myself even subconsciously-notice the "if"? I know I can do the things I set out to, but worry if people will think it's dumb, or stupid, or too commonplace to even notice or comment on.
I know exactly how you feel!
Yvette
Fear is one of *THOSE* four letter words. We all have them, for good and bad. You matter! What you think, feel and how you put voice to them -- all matters. {{{{{}}}}}
Don't fret, I'm at the foot of the hill too! I flew through the first couple of weeks and now SCREEEEEEEEEECH! I'm at a dead stop. I had similar thoughts while writing my post, "These ladies are going to think I'm nuts talking to myself." It's a big step to do a battle royal with the gremlins, a HUGE change. And any change worthwhile takes time--certainly more than a week. :)
We're in it together!
Much Joy, Many Blissings~*
Molly
Yes, I can relate to your comments about the great divide between the big moneymakers and the artists and that is something I also like to blog about - I think it effects so many of us!
This is a really good quote that I'm throwing around and it comes from Chapter 6 of the book we're all reading - "The final frontier for evolving women involves facing and resolving our money issues. Once we clear out our negative messages, we are free to reconceptualize and redefine money, embracing its spiritual aspects. Money then becomes a partner on our journey toward expressing our unique creative selves."
Isn't that good!
I want both - really good money AND to be an artist - they don't seem so far apart any part...it is possible.
I too have a fear of making money, lots of money doing what I love. It seem so selfish. But now, I'm realizing that my gifts are worth so much, that I've been selling myself short. I have some very real needs financially and I am worth every dollar I make. I'm not greedy and I will always give back more than I take. But, like you I don't want to be seen as just in things for the money.
Yes, the fear of being laughed at is real for me too. Just signing up and going through the 12 Secrets makes me feel presumptuous. My inner self questions if I even have the right to presume I could be considered a creative women. We've got to keep on fighting for ourselves.
I don't think you are crazy. I must say though - I used to think this way too and fully believed that being an artist meant being broke and poor. I am learning that this is not necessarily the case (and that it does not mean that I'm greedy either for wanting a good or at least decent income). I am learning slowly how to get past my issues with money and the perception of money while still doing what I love.
yes, the fear of being laughed at is huge, and sometimes paralyzing, it's crazy.
Thanks for writing this post. So much to think about this week, it's great!
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