Secret 6: Conquering Saboteurs
I can give compliments freely and have no problem being enthusiastic or sharing my admiration for people BUT I cannot criticise others OR take personal criticism – I have no problem talking to a third person about someone who upsets me but it´s very difficult for me to tell that person directly for fear of it coming back at me and then having to accept some criticism myself. This makes me ashamed of myself again and again and I am often fearful of putting myself and my ideas out there. My biggest fear is being laughed at. It makes my tears well up just thinking about it.
I´m sure there were situations in my childhood and later years that have played a role but only because it´s a weakness of mine that others have picked up on. Their critical, unaccepting and laughing voices are my gremlins and although I can be creative and happy regardless, they have the power to hold me back.
I have noticed my fear of success. I see the world in two parts. The artists, social thinkers and alternative lifestylers on one side and the greedy, money making business mogules on the other. (Even while I´m writing this one of my gremlins is saying you´re all going to thinking I´m crazy). I want to be in the first half and am afraid of getting too close to the second half. Does this make sense to anyone? So although I do want to have abundance and financial security in my life, I fear getting caught up in working life and becoming part of a system I don´t like. I´m sure that this outlook also blocks my creative ideas and endeavours too.
I feel like the path has been easy these last few weeks and now I´m standing in front of a steep hill. HELP!