Sunday Scribblings # 8

3 Wishes!
My 3 biggest wishes have already come true. When I say wishes I don´t mean hopes or reachable goals that I make for myself, I mean WISHES, things I´ve wanted but never thought I would get.

When I left Australia in 1989 it was to get away from an ending relationship that kept pulling me back in because I was sentimental, afraid and too close so I put enough distance between us to be able to put it behind me. I travelled around Europe, to Africa and England and back to Europe. I discovered a love for decorating, a need to surround myself with pieces of me - books, pictures, people but that´s very difficult when you´re on the move so I made a wish to have a house. While I worked at a pub here in this small village Reichenfels I often went for walks after work or in my lunch breaks and there was this lovely little wooden house I used to pass and I used to dream about what it would be like to live in it, to come home and lock the door behind me, make a fire, cook a meal and read or watch a good movie or invite friends over. It was about 6 years later that I moved into my own house and I can see that "little, wooden house" when I look outside my kitchen window because a chain of coincidences led us to build our house on the piece of land directly behind it.

Each time I was pregnant I wished for sons rather than daughters. I cannot believe my wishes came true and I always thought that I would have to have a daughter to see what my mother went through with me while I was growing up. I´m so glad I don´t have to tackle the gender and self-confidence issues that often had me paralysed with fear during my pregnancies. Oh the relief each time the gyneacologist said "it´s going to be a boy!".

Wish number 3 is one that I´m sure we all carry inside us - to find true love. A love that supports you, gives you wings and lets you grow and be honest and be yourself atlast. Again, I never thought I would find it. It was about 5 years into my marraige before I realised this wasn´t it. I had to adapt too much to please him, keep my mouth shut too often and compromise my principles. I knew it was only a matter of time before it would end and that´s when I started wishing for the kind of love you read about, the kind of love you don´t see very often, the kind of love that you can´t imagine being without. Once again I "wished" because I never really believed that I´d find it. Like in the song "I learnt the truth at 17, that love was made for beauty queens", I had come to believe that I was not deserving, not lucky enough. Just when I was ready to give up, when I thought I would lose all sense of feeling, shrivel up and disappear if someone didn´t touch me, I found it and like when a child is born, once you have it you cannot imagine your life without it.

Don´t be afraid to make wishes.