GRAZ

Atlast my ex-husband made time to come and stay with the boys so Erich and I had a chance to take a much needed break and spend the day in Graz. It was the first taste of spring weather we have had in almost 6 months so we enjoyed being able to walk around without a jacket, sit on a park bench and soak up the sun and eat our first ice-cream in months.
Our first stop was Ikea where we had breakfast and bought a few little things and then we drove into the city. We visited the fruit and vege market, my favourite, 3 storey book store called Moser. Inside there´s the lovely "Literature Café" with those paintings above on the ceiling. We ate seafood at Nordsee, walked to the Uhrturm and soaked up that city feeling that I miss so much living in this little country village. It felt great to be in the city, to have choices in food, cafés, activities. That´s something I really miss here in Reichenfels but on the other hand, it was lovely to come home to the country side, the peace and quiet, fresh air and spacious house.
Jamie wrote a wonderful post about feeling at home and knowing where you belong and I can honestly say that I feel as much at home as I´ve ever felt in my house here. But have I ever REALLY felt completely at home? I don´t think so. I grew up in the western suburbs of Sydney and it was home, my parent´s little house. But all the talk and influence of "life back home" as my Mum and Dad called it - my parents immigrated from Austria to Australia in 1969 when I was 3- made it hard to feel 100% at home in Australia. When I moved to Austria in 1989 I felt somehow like I´d come home but at the same time I felt like a stranger, an exotic, a traveller. All the way through my marraige that feeling stayed with me, like my shadow, even while building a house, having children, trying to make friends. Now I have Erich by my side I know the feeling of having a partner, a deep love bonds us and wherever he is, I will feel happiness but the memories of my marraige are all around me, aswell as the in-laws who live close by. I don´t feel accepted, appreciated and liked in this community, maybe this is the reason that I am never content? It´s not possible for me to think of moving right now but I am in the process of getting rid of old things and friendships, decluttering and making big changes. I need to create my own new space - inside and outside of my house, maybe then my soul will feel at home.