Tuesday, March 14, 2006
It´s time for me to leave this inner roundabout,
far too long I´ve been going round and round,
far too long I´ve locked myself away,
far too long I´ve looked longingly at those who
live without inhibition.
the moment is here,
to loosen the ropes,
to pull up the anchor,
to leave my safe harbour,
to sail new seas,
to turn the sails of my dreams into the winds of possibility.
I am the captain! Atlast!
Since I have begun to lose some weight, I have realised that I have blamed many issues on my weight. If things weren´t moving along smoothly I automatically thought "it´s because you´re fat", when people didn´t like or accept me I thought the same and also when I looked in the mirror and didn´t like who was looking back at me.
But I know now that I am more than my weight. I have noticed that there are women out there who are larger like me but they look great whereas a slim woman who doesn´t look after herself is not as attractive. I have started looking after myself and taking more care with my appearance. I also realised that one of the reasons I hated going to work was never feeling good in my clothes. How can we go out and present ourselves to strangers if we don´t feel comfortable, feel real, feel free?
I have also realised that I am not moving forward. I have felt bad in the past for not reaching my goals, for not achieving anything BUT I haven´t really defined my goals. On Saturday I was at a wellness fair and there was a book stand (who can pass a book stand???). A book jumped out at me and I was so happy but then I thought that maybe it´s one of "those" books again - where on the first page you have to think about God and religion. I know this is very important to many people but believe me, when you live in traditional Austria where the church and it´s ideals are somewhere back at the beginning of the last century, you lose your faith. I do believe in a greater force but when it comes to my life I want to make the decisions and not feel like everything is pre-set, or in someone else´s hands or dependent on how often I go to church on Sundays.
I am happy to say, this is not one of those books, it´s an easy to understand guide to helping you find your life aims. It´s in German and the author is an Austrian so I don´t think his books are available in English. With the book comes a question booklet divided into 10 parts. Here is part one.
What are my biggest needs and difficulties at the moment?
What impairs my day to day life the most?
What hinders my joy of life the most?
Under which do I suffer the most ?
That´s a lot to think about. You can read my answers tomorrow.